Funny Birthday

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.